Write with TLC

Is it ageism? Is it sexism? Is it both? Who gets to decide? With the release of Madonna's latest album, Madame X , there have been a lot of people writing about her in ageist, sexist ways while claiming it's neither ageist nor sexist. If "She's too old to be making pop music. Grandma needs to shut up." isn't sexist and ageist, then what is? She really is a person people love to hate... What exactly is the problem? Is it what she said when she said " I think the most controversial thing I have ever done is to stick around."? I've been thinking about this because like Madonna I'm getting older; we all are. I've blogged about Madonna and her music enough for it to be fairly obvious I'm a long time fan.. I've often thought her best work was the work she didn't release as singles. It's those more thoughtful, reflective songs buried under the flash. I've often lamented some of her choices for singles because I thoug...

I marched in the Portland Pride Parade in the HP, Inc. section on June 18, 2019 along with my husband, who is an HP, Inc. employee. The experience made me think and feel and think some more.  As I walked through the streets lined with people out to show their support for the LGBTQIA community, I listened to people shouting supportive words, saw people with shirts and signs offering "Mom hugs" and "Dad hugs", and saw people embracing their identities without hesitation. It was a beautiful to see so much support and love being expressed. After a bit it occurred to me that several of the people in the crowd likely assumed I am a member of the LBGTQIA community and I smiled. Let them think what they want. The last time I cared what people thought about my sexual identity I was in high school. By the time I was in college, I stopped caring. Sometimes I even embraced it when some idiot guy who couldn't imagine any girl rejecting him unless she was a lesbian lobb...

What does it mean to eat healthy? Let's be clear, food can be pleasurable and can even taste good, but the primary focus of food is health. Food provides energy and nutrition. Food boosts or depletes the immune system. Food supports our health or destroys it. Food is a necessity whether we like it or not. We are bombarded with opinions and research, some legitimate and some biased. We are told by a million different sources that the same thing is healthy and unhealthy. We are lead to believe we MUST eat this thing or that thing. All of this has created a food industry more interested in collecting our money than in providing nutritional value.  Food-like substances are sold as food far too often. Far too many people buy them thinking they are getting what they need and then wondering why their health is so poor.  Sometimes doctors prescribe these food-like substances rather than push their patients to put forth a tiny bit more effort to get the nutrition they need f...

The flip side of fear of success is fear of failure. Both end up in paralysis, have some of the same triggers, and share some of the same roots. It can be hard to discern which is which. I've struggled with both, and at times still do. Fear of failure for me was a need to be perfect. I equated perfection with love. I could only be loved if I was perfect. I could only be perfect if I was successful at everything. Failure wasn't an option. An "A" was never good enough in school. Everything I did could be better.  Early in my life I developed a fear of failure that at times has stifled my creativity, my progress, and even lead to complete inaction. In some ways my fear of failure contributed to my later fear of success. I started life confident that I could and would do whatever I wanted, but as I began to encounter those little digs that meant I could never be perfect and the harder I tried to be perfect, the more my imperfections haunted me. When I was assaul...

A few of the self-help books I read to address my fear of success. I've always been a very determined, ambitious person. Yet, there came a time when I realized that every time I got close to reaching a goal, I'd somehow sabotage it or I'd minimize my accomplishments . I shied away from publicizing my work. I started to play small when I most needed to be seen. I couldn't quite understand what was happening. At first I thought I feared failure, but I'd feared failure most of my life (more on this next week). This felt different. This behaved differently. Yet, I ended up reaching the same stalemate. Over time I started to see how often I downplayed what I did well and focused on what I did poorly. It dawned on me that I had somehow begun to fear success. At first I dismissed this as silly. Who fears success? I didn't even think that was a thing, which is strange since I studied psychology. How the hell could someone whose whole life had been about achievin...

I have a small confession to make. I hate the abortion debate. I hate it with a passion. Abortion should not be a political issue. Abortion is a personal issue of health and well-being.  If we focused on health and well-being, we would focus on ways to prevent the need for abortions by finding ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies rather than condemning those who make the choice. For example, sex education, affordable access to birth control, and affordable access to healthcare are all ways to prevent unwanted pregnancies and therefore lower the abortion rates. I know several women who have had abortions.  There are always reasons. There are always circumstances. There are always  situations. Not a single woman I know who has had an abortion came to the decision easily or lightly. Some of those women still claim to be anti-choice. The women who still claim to be anti-choice explain that their abortions were okay because they had "good reasons unlike those other wome...

Sometimes the words just won't cooperate... Today is one of those days for me... Yesterday was one of those days for me... At least when it comes to writing this blog post. I planned to write about mothers, but the words just wouldn't come. So I've sat and stared at the screen. I've written and erased and written again. I've thought. I've researched. I've done other chores. But no matter what I did the words just wouldn't form. Sunday was Mother's Day in the United States, so I felt obligated to write about mothers or about my conscious choice to not become a mother or about being a daughter or about the pain that accompanies Mother's Day for some people for one reason or another. But, I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to give you the permission I just gave myself. When something just isn't working, sometimes you just have to let it go. You have to let yourself off the hook. You have to see that it's okay if your pri...