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I started this post over a year ago after I watched The Hunting Ground , a documentary about sexual assault on campuses and the way universities handle sexual assault on campus. I've come back to it multiple times but have hesitated to publish it yet I couldn't bring myself to delete it. So... With today's announcement regarding the plan to eliminate Title IX protection for survivors, I must speak up. I can no longer be silent. The Hunting Ground affected me deeply. I stopped it several times when I needed to think and feel and cry and rewind to listen again. (Currently available on  Netflix and streaming or DVD purchase on Amazon.) As I watched, many thoughts went through my mind. I am still dumbfounded by the way universities dismiss and/or minimize sexual assault complaints. I suppose admitting the number of campus sexual assaults on their individual campuses might deter some potential students, but... Sexual assault happens. It happens in every community. It happ...

Last week Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos announced that she intends to dismantle the Dear Colleague Letter Guidelines that have given survivors of sexual assault more respect in the reporting and investigatory process of sexual assault by utilizing the protections in Title IX to a safe learning environment. Shortly before her announcement I posted  Sexual Assault Happens... Then What? , my post to raise awareness about the importance of taking campus sexual assault seriously and urge people to stand up for survivors. Upon learning of Secretary DeVos' decision to dismantle those guidelines, I wrote a letter to the current President of EKU, Michael T. Benson. As an alumna of EKU and a survivor of campus sexual assault I feel a duty to urge my alma mater to be a leader in the adherence of Title IX using the Dear Colleague Letter Guidelines to take campus sexual assault seriously and providing the support survivors need to move forward. Here is the open letter ...

It's October, also known as Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Breast Cancer Awareness Month . I find it a bit interesting that we, as a society, have combined these two awareness campaigns in the same month. If I looked hard enough, I'm sure I could find a way to connect them. However, let's focus on Domestic Violence Awareness Month and the No More Campaign. I first wrote about No More back in 2015, when I wrote No More... Excuses... No More . We live in a world that seems to be waking up... maybe. But how many times can we say No More? We also live in a world that far too often excuses the behavior of those in power, whether in a large corporation, a small company, or even the home until forced to believe the truth when the evidence once dismissed piles up so high it threatens to topple over and crush all in its wake. Can we keep on this way? Society blames the victim. Society shames the victim. Society silences the victim. And, let's be clea...

But he says he didn't do it... Somehow his word whoever he happens to be is more credible than hers to some people no matter what the situation, no matter what the evidence, no matter how credible her account or how much his lacks credibility. For some reason, for some people that's enough.  It's as if they expect criminals to be honest... Really?  And for some reason they always doubt women... Really? What do you expect him to say, seriously? To admit it is confessing to a crime, even if the statute of limitations has run out. I've been raped on three different occasions by two different men. Yet, I'm fairly certain neither of those men would admit assaulting me because they see nothing wrong with their behavior. ( other posts on sexual assault .) I confronted the two men, let's call them M and W, who raped me. Each readily admitted he proceeded even after I said no and made it clear I didn't want to have sex. M even bragged about "not t...

No More... When I stumbled across the No More campaign, I felt my breath catch. I'd discovered Mariska Hargitay's Joyful Heart Foundation shortly before and was intrigued by the work the foundation does. Apparently, Mariska Hargitay 's work on Law & Order: SVU inspired her to do something to help the many survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence in the United States. Her foundation works to get rape kits off shelves and tested. They provide retreats for survivors to get support. The foundation pulls together resources to raise awareness and to actually take action. I studied the website over several days and felt a sense of the foundation's commitment. It reminded me how important fiction can be. Hargitay works on a fictional show - granted, the Law & Order franchise likes the "ripped from the headlines" concept, but it's still fiction. Yet, Hargitay was so moved she researched sexual assault and domestic violence and then decided to...

Sex... Sexual harassment... Sexual abuse... Sexual assault... We wrap anything related to sex up in so much shame and guilt that it imprisons us in our own minds convincing us no one will ever believe us, that we should be ashamed for someone else's actions, that keeping quiet is the best way forward. People ask "Why didn't she report it?" I know my story will resonate with many women, and some men, too, because it's not a new story. It's been going on for ages. And occasionally a scandal brings it to light and we all look for ways to be make it better, to find common ground, to not need to say "Me Too." And, then the fervor dies down and we all go about our lives until the next time. Will this time finally be the one that's different? We can hope... Still fairly fragile from being sexually assaulted in college , I started an office job at a cabling company(now out of business if my research is accurate) in Lexington, Kentucky....

Last week was No More Week, sponsored by the No More organization. No More's mission is to end domestic violence and sexual assault. I've participated in No More weeks and other awareness activities sponsored by No More several times over the past few years. This year the theme was Change Happens Here - #changehappenshere. I chose the following as my statement "No More valuing the assailant's future more than the victim's." I hated writing the word victim. I wanted to write survivor so badly. Because... Words matter. They really do. The words we choose convey a message. A subtle shift happens when we read one word over the other. I am both a victim and a survivor, but I hate to think of myself as a victim. I hate it. I fight it. I even hide from it. But, there are times when acknowledging that to be a survivor one has to have been a victim at some point is essential to growth and forward movement. This idea that being a victim is bad is a continuati...

A few of the self-help books I read to address my fear of success. I've always been a very determined, ambitious person. Yet, there came a time when I realized that every time I got close to reaching a goal, I'd somehow sabotage it or I'd minimize my accomplishments . I shied away from publicizing my work. I started to play small when I most needed to be seen. I couldn't quite understand what was happening. At first I thought I feared failure, but I'd feared failure most of my life (more on this next week). This felt different. This behaved differently. Yet, I ended up reaching the same stalemate. Over time I started to see how often I downplayed what I did well and focused on what I did poorly. It dawned on me that I had somehow begun to fear success. At first I dismissed this as silly. Who fears success? I didn't even think that was a thing, which is strange since I studied psychology. How the hell could someone whose whole life had been about achievin...