Thursday, December 29, 2011

Fearless... or Not

On my best day, I am fearless... Well, unless there are snakes involved and then I'm a shivering, quaking, squealing, screaming, shaking ball of fear wishing I could escape to the top of my laundry room cabinets like my cats do when a stranger steps into the house.  But, we're not talking about that kind of fear.

We're talking about looking at obstacles and knowing you have the power to overcome them, work through them, or just walk away from them. Each reaction serves its purpose in life. Determining which is the best option can be tricky depending on the situation.

So again, on my best day I am fearless. I like those days. On those days I smile no matter how frustrated I feel. I laugh at the absurdity that this thing - whatever it is - in front of me seems so incredibly important and the likelihood I'll even remember it in a month is pretty much nill. On those days, nothing phases me. I tackle obstacles with gusto and conquer challenges without so much as a crack in my smile. Those days you can insult me, criticize me, hate me, or run right over top of me... Well, you can try because your negativity won't phase my positivity or my outcome.

On my worst day, I fear both success and failure! What the heck creates that diachotomy? Talk about a styming state of mind! On those days, I am my own worst enemy. I criticize every move I make, second guess every decision, demand perfection when great would be better, and create obstacles where there are none. Those days someone else's criticism is like a bomb being dropped right into my core. I take it to heart, mind, soul, and body. Those days even a compliment somehow becomes criticism or at the very least suspicious. Luckily, I'm beginning to recognize those days and tailor my activities to match the mood as much as possible.

I've come to a place in my life where I have more fearless days than days where I fear both success and failure, I think. It's still a struggle. From childhood on, I received the message my best would never be good enough but failing wasn't an option, so it's a mantra I've had to rewrite continuously throughout my life. Will I ever be free of it? I don't know. I hope so, but I can only take my life as it comes. I never want to become so fearless that I become arrogant and ignore sound advice or fail to appreciate the encouragement, support, and inspiration others so generously give me.

I know that my best is good enough and that it's really the epitamy of what I have to offer. It has taken me a long time to accept that as truth, but I'm finding my life improves every time I let go of a little more of my need to be seen as perfect, to actually be perfect. The less I care about perfection, the more fearless I feel!

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