Finding Strength in Vulnerability

Last night I listened to Brene Brown on TEDTalks. She discussed vulnerability. I listened as she explained several things I discovered in 2010 when I did an experiment in making myself more vulnerable. Her discoveries about herself so mirrored what I discovered about myself, it scared me. After it was over, I fought back the tear that slid down my cheek.

I read a blog post I wrote in early 2011 about my experiment in being more vulnerable, Vulnerability, I Once Considered You a Curse Word this morning, and realized three things. 1) I haven't come quite as far as I'd planned in the past few years, 2) I sure do like me more today than I did when I started my experiment, and 3) I find much more strength than weakness in allowing myself to be vulnerable.

I still struggle with allowing myself to be vulnerable. I fall back into old patterns of protecting myself and lose sight of the benefits of opening my truth to other people. I still have moments of intense fear that people will use my vulnerabilities against me, and sometimes they do. But, more often, I find that when I express my truth including both my strength and my vulnerabilities to people, they respond with love and acceptance. I'm getting better. I'm not sure it'll ever be easy for me to be truly vulnerable, but I can express and embrace my vulnerabilities much more readily today than I could at the beginning of 2010.

The realization that I like myself better now came as a complete surprise. Mainly because I didn't realize I didn't like myself before. Oddly, I always thought I liked myself, and in some ways I did. I just like me better now. I enjoy my own company. I've learned that my imperfections are wonderful parts of me. I've learned that I have a lot to offer the world, and that I'm responsible to offer all that to the world even when it makes me feel vulnerable.

When I take down my defenses and allow my vulnerabilities out to play, I become stronger. I'm not expending energy keeping up a facade. I'm not trying to make people like me. I stop fearing people's rejection. When I discover that the display of my vulnerabilities helps someone else, I grow as a person. When the revelation of my vulnerabilities takes away the ability of others to control me because I don't fear their judgment, I grow stronger. When I first decided to force myself to become more vulnerable, I never expected to find strength in my vulnerabilities. That has, perhaps, been the most pleasant surprise I've experienced from opening my truth to the world for reaction whether that reaction be acceptance, judgment, love, or hate. In the end, I've discovered my inner strength grows with each and every vulnerability I reveal and release...

So last night when I listened to Brene Brown, I transported back into my own journey to and through vulnerability. I cried as I realized just how much stronger and more resilient I feel today than on that rather ordinary January day when I decided to force myself to be vulnerable to see if I could find the answers to all the questions and fears in my head.

Take a listen, maybe just maybe, Brene's words will touch your life...


T. L. Cooper is an author and poet whose work aims to empower and inspire through an exploration of the human condition. Her poems, short stories, articles, and essays have appeared online, in books, and in magazines. Her published books include a collection of short stories, Soaring Betrayal, her Silhouette Poetry Series, and a novel, All She Ever Wanted. She grew up on a farm in Tollesboro, Kentucky. She currently lives in Albany, Oregon with her husband and three cats.

Comments

  1. justkellyhereDecember 18, 2012 at 6:04 AM

    "2) I sure do like me more today than I did when I started my experiment"

    Very, very cool!

    ReplyDelete
  2. VioletJuice26December 24, 2012 at 1:21 AM

    Love this. I'm embarking on my own "January" and this provides much comfort and inspiration. Thanks for posting! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. T. L. CooperJanuary 3, 2013 at 3:29 PM

      Thank you so much! I'm so touched you found inspiration and comfort in my words! May your "January" bring you your heart's desire!

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When Failure Isn't an Option, But...

The flip side of fear of success is fear of failure. Both end up in paralysis, have some of the same triggers, and share some of the same roots. It can be hard to discern which is which. I've struggled with both, and at times still do. Fear of failure for me was a need to be perfect. I equated perfection with love. I could only be loved if I was perfect. I could only be perfect if I was successful at everything. Failure wasn't an option. An "A" was never good enough in school. Everything I did could be better.  Early in my life I developed a fear of failure that at times has stifled my creativity, my progress, and even lead to complete inaction. In some ways my fear of failure contributed to my later fear of success. I started life confident that I could and would do whatever I wanted, but as I began to encounter those little digs that meant I could never be perfect and the harder I tried to be perfect, the more my imperfections haunted me. When I was assaul
Read more

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Image
I recently read A Collection of Poems by Robert Frost . It's a beautiful book and one I'd been salivating over for a while, ever since I saw it in Costco several months ago. It is filled with poems that speak to my heart, my imagination, my core. I was thumbing through one day while reading - yeah, I was looking ahead - and came across Nothing Gold Can Stay , and the first thought that popped in my head was "Stay gold, Ponyboy." I stopped in my tracks as a shiver went up my spine and a smile slid across my face. I remembered in that moment the first time I read The Outsiders   by S. E. Hinton . The first time I read Nothing Gold Can Stay in the book, The Outsiders , the first time I heard the poem aloud in the movie , the first time I read the letter at the end of the book, the first time I heard the letter at the end of the movie... Robert Frost and The Outsiders are forever linked in my memory because of this poem. S. E. Hinton used Nothing Gold Can Stay to
Read more

Benefits to Buying Books

Image
Last week I wrote about supporting authors without buying their books, so this week I want to talk about a few benefits of buying books. To be honest, there's this little voice in my head going "People need reasons to buy books... They're books. That's reason enough." Of course that's the writer and reader in me. The minimalist and anti-consumerist in me totally gets why many people don't want to buy books. Buying books is a commitment. It's adding another "thing" to your shelves, your home, your life. Let me be clear. I understand that people work hard for their money, and buying a book can feel like a luxury. I totally get it. I've been there. The rent, the mortgage, fuel, food should all be higher priorities than buying books. I remember days when I saved change for a month to buy a book. I'm not, in any way, proposing that people sacrifice necessities to buy books. There are advantages to buying a book. You own the book.
Read more