Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Humbled By a Moment of Hate

Yesterday, I felt a moment of hate toward another person. It was the first time in a long time I'd allowed hate a moment in my heart. The hatred came from reading about pain and disappointment experienced by someone I love deeply caused by someone she should've been able to trust. I long ago gave up any hope of the person who inflicted the pain following through on any promise, but this wasn't about me.

I'm not even sure why it hit me so hard. I know how this person is. Hurting others has never concerned her. I am well aware of this.

I try to live my life from a place of love. I try to love even those who hurt me because I believe when we hate we hurt ourselves more than the person we feel hatred toward. So when that moment of hate hit my heart, I felt completely overwhelmed. I fought back tears, but a couple escaped.

I choose to release that hate, to just let it go, to not let it consume me or drive my actions, but I struggled to actually follow through on the release. It popped in there and hung around long enough to remind me that I'm not immune to hatred even though I try my best to live from love even when I have to let someone go from my life.

In this brief moment when hate crept into my heart, I felt out of control. As I released it, I felt humbled because it reminded me how easy it is to slip into hate as well as how easy it is to become overly confident of my ability to live from a place of love. The experience reminded me how important love is and even how important hate can be if only to remind us of the importance of love.

We have a responsibility to choose how we live our lives. I choose love even if I do find it hard to love some people. I just have to remember that to love someone doesn't mean I have to invite that person to be a part of my life.

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