Balance: Keeping One's Footing Even When Wobbling

Balance... There's that word... We all say it all the time. We strive to create balance in our lives. We seek work-life balance. If only we could balance... 

Balance... It's easy to see balance as some kind of Holy Grail that will magically make life perfect... But if you're anything like me, the word balance has become one that has you either grinding your teeth or rolling your eyes or both...

Recently, I did a meditation on Insight Timer called Balance Meditation. As the guide instructed me to breathe in to a count of four 1-2-3-4 and out counting backwards from four 4-3-2-1, I felt a slight resistance I couldn't quite explain. Yet, I often do this kind of breath work in my yoga practice without feeling a resistance. Finally, I settled into the breath pattern... and felt my body sway slightly before centering back into my starting position.

After I finished the meditation, I wrote in my meditation journal as I do every day. As I wrote about balance and about breathing an intentionally balanced breath, I watched these words flow onto the paper "As I came back to neutral, I thought of balance as being the act of keeping my footing as I move between the various responsibilities in my life."

This was an epiphany for me. 

I'd always thought of balance before as giving things the appropriate priority in my life. But, what if, just what if, balance is really like when I do dancer's pose in yoga, stretching both forward and back from my torso while standing on one foot and frankly often shaking and wobbling through it? What if balance is really about finding the flexibility to reach beyond the obvious to find a creative solution? What if balance isn't about proving what has the highest priority in my life to... well, someone? society? the world? myself? who knows? What if balance is about accepting that as an imperfect being I am going to wobble, I am going to shake, and, yes, sometimes I am going to fall on my head just like that one time I started thinking about balancing my obligations for the day while doing a pose working toward crow pose? What if balance is just accepting that what I have to offer is enough, that I am enough, and if I don't get everything I prioritize done it's not a reflection of my worth?

That's a lot of what ifs, and I'm not sure I have the precise answers right now, but it's worth posing the questions...

If I stop worrying so much about balancing all the priorities in my lives and focus more on keeping my balance in the midst of doing my best even when I wobble, maybe balance wouldn't feel like such an elusive thing to strive toward... 

I'm still standing... And every time I fall, I manage to get back up... So, maybe that's what balance really is...

I find the idea of balance being more about reaching than about juggling more conducive to progress and far less elusive to achieve.

So I'll stand here with one foot in the present, one leg reaching back toward the past, and one arm reaching toward my future while the other holds on to the past. That way I'll never forget what brought me to this place where I'm rooted in the present and growing toward the future. And, if from time to time I wobble and shake making it necessary to step forward or backward to regain my footing, I will. If there comes a moment where I fall, I'll use the lessons learned in the past to focus on what I'm doing in the present to meet my goals for the future in order to regain the balance I need to keep my priorities in perspective.