Forgotten Influences

Dr. Fox and me

Recently, while making my annual donation to a scholarship fund in honor of the scholarship I received that allowed me to attend Eastern Kentucky University, The Dr. James W. Fox Student Research Award jumped out at me. I didn't remember seeing it on the list before. I wondered if it was a fund honoring my former adviser and professor, Dr. James Fox. I did a quick Google search. I found his obituary which included a request for people to donate to the award fund in lieu of flowers. As I read about his 2008 death, I felt a tear slide down my cheek and a sense of sadness combined with gratitude and joy well up in my heart. I smiled. 

My instructors, particularly my Corrections instructors, were an interesting group of people, but Dr. Fox was a special man. His obituary refers to his dedication to "his calling as an educator" and the way he "inspired commitment in his students." I can attest to both. Part of the way he inspired that commitment was by modeling it in his commitment to his students.

I'm not sure I appreciated his influence on my life at the time or even for years afterward, perhaps I never even noticed it. It's not like I often quoted him, talked about his lectures, or shared his insights with others. Yet, I never forgot how talking to him boosted my confidence and empowered me to find solutions.

I kept coming back to one particular instance when I was talking to him about the abysmal way a professor in a different department had been treating some students in class. I was appalled. After ascertaining and making me affirm twice that I was a witness and not a victim of the treatment and that the students involved didn't want to do anything about it, he sat back and closed his eyes for a minute or so. It felt like forever. Then he leaned forward, looked across the desk at me and said gently but firmly "You don't grovel well, Tammy. I'm not sure you know how."

I was confused by his response. I didn't quite understand what my ability to grovel had to do with doing what I perceived as the right thing.

He explained that I would be setting myself up as a target if I made an on-the-record report of this behavior against a tenured professor, especially if the actual victims refused to corroborate my report of the events. He promised to support me whatever I decided but warned me the professor could potentially create problems for me and asked if I wanted to get into that kind of situation with graduation only weeks away. After some discussion, we decided together that he'd make my concerns known to the appropriate person/people after I graduated. I never checked back in with him, but I knew him to be a man of his word, so I assume he did. 

Those words "You don't grovel well...." still pop in my mind, in his voice, on the rare occasion I contemplate taking an action that might put me in a position to need to grovel afterwards.

That memory lead me to remember the time he sent me home from class because he said I needed rest more than being in class when I showed up appearing and feeling quite ill but was probably just exhausted after pulling a couple of really late nights - almost all-nighters - working on class projects.

There was also the time he interceded on my behalf when I was still quite emotionally and mentally raw after I was assaulted and couldn't talk to the professor about how participating in a particular class activity was causing me intense anxiety, well, to be honest, panic attacks.

There were also the countless times I'd stop by his office when I had other business in the building to say hi, and he'd always take a couple of minutes to talk to me. He never acted like I inconvenienced him though I'm sure I did.

To top all this off, he came to my graduation ceremony even though he wasn't working graduation that year. He slipped in, sat in the back, and stayed to meet my family. I think he even shared some words of praise about me with my family.

Dr. Snarr and me

Oh, my graduation! 

I'll never forget Dr. Snarr's, who had been my adviser before Dr. Fox, slight hesitation and surprised look when he saw my name on his list or the joyous smile he gave me as I approached. Or him whispering "I didn't know you were graduating today."

Dr. Reedy and me

I'll always remember Dr. Reedy stopping me as he shook my hand to tell me about a job opportunity and to find him after the ceremony and then finding me before I had a chance to find him. Oh, and I got the job because he not only encouraged me to apply but called one of his friends to put in a good word for me. The person who hired me informed me that Dr. Reedy's recommendation and those of my other professors had been the deciding factor.

A little over a year later, I returned to campus for a job interview, and Dr. Wilson stopped me in the hallway to hug me and chat about what was happening with my life. She offered to put in a good word for me. I didn't get the job, but I really wanted it even though I knew from the interview it wasn't a good fit for me. Mainly, I wanted to be back on campus working near and possibly with these professors who'd played such a huge role in my life.

I've carried these professors and the lessons they taught me in the classroom and outside of it in my heart and in my thoughts ever since my graduation. Their influence slipped into the background of my life and I ceased to give it much thought.  I'm incredibly lucky to have been taught by this group of individuals and several others who genuinely cared about their students.Their influence never forget to show up when I needed it.

So if I never said thank you, let me say it now. Thank you, Dr. Fox. Thank you, Dr. Reedy. Thank you, Dr. Snarr. Thank you, Dr. Wilson. Thank you to all those professors who encouraged, inspired, and empowered me all those years ago. Thank you to all those forgotten influences who graced my life time and again without being noticed or acknowledged. 

College is about the classroom, but it's also about learning to navigate the world and to network. It's about learning what works and what doesn't work for you and in the world. It's about learning who you are on a deeper level and what you truly want out of life. Sometimes those lessons come from the influences we barely notice, the ones that just seem to be part of every day life at the time.

I graduated with a very determined set of plans about the trajectory of my life. Many of those plans went sideways into other places - some better than my plans, others worse than my plans. But, the lessons I learned in college and from myriad professors, even the bad ones, is something that helped me every time I faced a decision about the trajectory of my life.

When life goes well, it can be easy to forget those long ago experiences that influenced who I became. But, today... Today I remember.