BFAAF aka Best Friends Always and Forever

BFAAF. Best friends always and forever. I remember writing BFAAF many times to this friend or that friend when I was in high school and maybe into college. It seemed like such a sweet sentiment because it showed how close my friendships were. Even then I wondered about the idea of always and forever because that's a long time, it's like twice eternity, right?

Yet, some friendships last. They aren't the ones who need affirmations like BFA&F even if sometimes we do share the sentiment aloud or in writing. Lifelong friendships often become chosen family. These friends and I can vehemently disagree one minute and toast one another's successes the next. Sometimes we can go for months or even years without talking and then within minutes of reconnecting feel like we've never been apart. But, they are also the friends who are most likely to make the effort to stay connected even if only in a small way. It's the thread that frays, but doesn't unravel, that can be picked up, and tied back together looking a little more worn than before but that we wouldn't replace for the world.

I think back over my friendships and there are some that shine brighter than others. There are some that have really stood the test of time. Most have somehow morphed in one way or another.

I used to think the idea of lifelong friendship was a fantasy. People tend to come and go in life, so when you find those friends who stay it can feel a bit surreal. Not to say I haven't had falling out with friends and long absences in relationships because I have in almost every friendship I have. There have been times when we've argued and gone our separate ways, when we've fallen out of touch, or when life has just pushed us away from each other. Even when life interfered, our fondness for one another didn't go away and rekindled as soon as we reconnected.

There are those friends who know our secrets, who know what we're thinking even before we voice it, and know what we need without us asking. Those are the friends I know will be by my side for a lifetime even if not "always and forever". Are those friends "best" friends? I stopped using that word a long time ago because "best" implies one, and I have many friends who could and do qualify for "best" for their own unique reasons. Yet, I have to admit, there is one, or two or three, friends that I tend to lean toward more heavily than others - they are definitely among my closest friends, my sister friends, my angel friends.

Friendship has saved me more times than I can count. Friendship has been there when I felt like giving up or running away or hiding or even dying. Friendship has been there when my heart hurt so much it seemed like the only way to relieve the pain would be to cut it right out of my chest. Friendship has held my hair back while I puked. Friendship has walked me safely home when I couldn't get there on my own. Friendship has stood up for me and held me up. Friendship has taught me about life and love and gratitude. Friendship has slipped its arms around me and let me cry on its chest. Friendship has shown me things I never would have discovered on my own.

Friendship has held me together when I faced family crises where family couldn't be there for me or even when I couldn't be there for family in the way I wanted.

When I look at my lifelong friends, and I think of the work we've done to stay in each other's lives, I feel those threads that connect us, that tug me back when I isolate myself, that weave this life I've lived together. And I know that luck played a role in some of the people I've befriended, but what's kept us connected is putting in the time, the effort, the compassion, the understanding, the honesty, and the love.

Maybe there really is such a thing as Best Friends Always & Forever...