The Independence Illusion

Independence...

We romanticize the concept of independence until it loses the edge of reality. We think of independence as setting us apart from others. We celebrate independence even as we depend on others for much of the life we live.

We celebrate independence even as we seek to control others. How can we be independent when we squelch the independence of others? If our independence requires the conquer of others, neither party can truly be free.

Independence isn't about fireworks or wars or declarations or parties or even family. 

The very idea of family stands in the face of independence. We first learn the art of dependence from our families. We learn to depend on one another and help one another and fight one another and make up with one another in our families. Eventually, we move away from family and become "independent", but even that independence comes with a caveat. We find friends to lean on and help us and fight with and make up with. We find people to help us learn and grow and be what we want to be.

We live in a world that, in spite of our best efforts, demands we work together because what each of us does affects the others around us. We cannot and do not live in an isolated world, and I, for one, wouldn't want to. I used to think independence was some kind of goal to achieve, and I used to want nothing more than to prove I didn't need anyone, but over the years, I've discovered it's normal, it's natural, it's even good to need other people in your life.

We all depend on experts who can do the things we can't. We all depend on organizations that take care of the things we can't. We all depend on farmers to grow food we can't. We all depend on companies to provide services we can't. We depend on schools to teach. We depend on government to provide infrastructure and societies that function. We depend on first responders to provide assistance in emergencies. We depend on our relationships with other places to keep peace and order. We depend on each other so much more than we know. 

As much as we seek independence, it seems independence is an elusive thing always just beyond our reach. We cannot possibly do everything that needs to be done. We need other people. We rely on each other to reach our goals. We cannot survive in the world without other people in our lives, sometimes people we don't even notice or at least acknowledge.

Our independence is always dependent on something and someone, so perhaps we should stop trying so hard to romanticize independence and start pulling together our interdependence. Then perhaps can start to see the value in all our contributions and stop clinging to the illusion of independence.