Growing Older - Better Than the Alternative...

As my birthday approaches, I'm thinking about life and death. I'm thinking about love and loss. I'm thinking about memories made and memories to be made. These thoughts aren't new, but they especially poignant right now.

 I've never minded growing older. I'm one of those people who falls in the "better than the alternative" camp for sure. You either grow older or you die. It's as simple as that. Given the two choices, bring on the aging even with all its challenges.

 Life isn't perfect, but it's good. I can honestly say that. I spend much of my time focused on work that brings me joy. I'm sheltered, fed, healthy, and happy. Yet, I know that could all end with a few wrong decisions or some event beyond my control.

 Last week a high school classmate died only a few days after his birthday. He was my age. I felt a strange sense of loss at reading about his death. I hadn't seen him in a really long time, and we no longer had anything in common. He wasn't the first of my high school classmates to die. In fact, one of my high school classmates died while we were still in high school, and he also died shortly after his birthday - less than a month. So, I've been here before, and I'll be here again.

 A few days after his death, one of my uncles died after a prolonged illness. As I reflected on my memories of him, my aunt, and their daughters, I thought about how much we take for granted in our lives.

It seems that death often has a way of bringing a sense of clarity we don't see when someone is alive. There's a finality that we have to face. That thing we always wanted to say can never be heard. We can still say it, but the intended party can't hear it. That moment we wanted to share with that person can never be shared. Those words we wanted to hear are ones we'll never hear.

 As I think about the people in my life, I wonder what remains unsaid, undone, unshared. I wonder how many of us look at our birthdays and think this will be the year I will say the unsaid, do the undone, share the unshared. I wonder how many of us appreciate that we still have that chance.

 I'm not making a vow to say the unsaid, do the undone, or share the unshared. Maybe I should, but I'm not sure what I would say, do, share at this point in time.

I'm about to celebrate the fact that I've survived another year and am about to embark on the next year of my life. Yet, it all feels a little anti-climatic. I'm going to out to dinner and to see In the Heights the night before my birthday. I'm baking a cake - experimenting with a new recipe idea - for my birthday. I'm probably going to play golf, weather permitting. Yet, I don't need a special reason to do any of these things. 

 I rarely wait for special occasions to enjoy experiences, things, events. I suppose that's why birthdays have become less important to me. I live a life filled with special moments and opportunities to explore the world. Yes, sometimes it's nice to have an excuse to take it up a notch, but really as this birthday approaches, I'm thinking more about living the kind of life that I want to live, about contributing to the world in a way that leaves it just a little better than I found it, and connecting with people with whom I share beautiful moments even if other moments are sometimes challenging.

 As I think about birthdays and death days, I can't stop wondering what good I can do and what tomorrow holds...
T. L. Cooper is an author and poet whose work aims to empower and inspire through an exploration of the human condition. Her poems, short stories, articles, and essays have appeared online, in books, and in magazines. Her published books include a collection of short stories, Soaring Betrayal, her Silhouette Poetry Series, and a novel, All She Ever Wanted. She grew up on a farm in Tollesboro, Kentucky. She currently lives in Albany, Oregon with her husband and three cats.

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