Take a Break from Something You Love
I wanted to share the wonder I found reading books with others, so I started reviewing books. Initially I loved writing reviews. I got excited about reviewing books written by authors I loved and one's I met through myriad author events.
At first I wrote reviews when I finished a book and didn't worry about keeping a schedule. It worked okay but wasn't a good way to keep viewers. So I started reading multiple books at a time, so I could have a weekly regular post. At first this was exhilarating. Reading with the purpose to review books made reading feel more purposeful.
Then something happened. Somewhere along the way writing reviews started to feel like more like a chore than a pleasure. The feeling crept up on me in a way didn't expect. I felt like far too often my reaction to genre fiction was predictable and writing the reviews felt redundant.
I started to see the things I read in a different way. I started to read with an eye to what I would write in the review rather than for pleasure or education. When I found myself mentally writing reviews as I read a book, I knew something was wrong. I needed to think about things differently.
I kept trying to read. I came up with plans to keep myself motivated and to mix up the reviews. It worked for awhile.
Slowly though I stopped finding pleasure in reading. I kept trying to convince myself it was temporary, but the more I tried to tap into the pleasure I used to find in reading, the more it seemed to elude me.
A few months ago, I decided to take a hiatus from writing reviews. My plan was to wait until the end of the year, but my reluctance to review a book I really didn't want to review pushed me. I couldn't figure it out other than it was a genre book and I couldn't think of anything to say about it that I hadn't said already about myriad other books. I looked at the book and hoped I'd get inspired before the scheduled post date. Then I mentioned my hiatus plans to couple of people who all asked me the same thing in one way or another "Why wait?" When I couldn't come up with a good reason, I decided to take a break from writing reviews starting right then. I felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
I expected my joy in reading to return after I removed the pressure to write reviews... It didn't. Every time I sat down to read, I felt that same tension, that same tightness in my jaw, that same pressure.
I decided to finish the books I was reading and take a break. But I doubted myself. Why would I need to take a break from something I enjoyed so much? It didn't make sense. I love reading. I love books. I love stories. I love poetry. But I finished one book, then another, then a third, and then the final one in process. Suddenly I felt an intense relief.
I went to bed that night without feeling like I needed to push myself to stay up just a little bit later to read because that's what I did every night. I sighed deeply. I snuggled down and went to sleep. I decided I would take a week off from reading. That was a week and a half ago. I've now decided I'm just going to wait until I feel the desire to read again. I will. I know I will. Because I still love books. I still love stories. I still love poetry.
Sometimes we need a break from the things we love, particularly when the things we love start to feel like chores. This break feels liberating in ways I never expected. I've even started to notice there are other things in my life that I've long enjoyed that aren't providing the pleasure they used to. I'm considering taking a break from some of them as well.
It's okay to reassess where you're at in life and to take breaks and to make changes. Needing to make changes doesn't mean you're broken or lost or bad. Needing to make changes mean you're growing and learning.
Sometimes taking a break from something you love helps you find your way back to it with greater appreciation... and sometimes it helps you find something new that works better for you.
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