Write with TLC

Sometimes we set goals and think we have everything all figured out only to have life shift under our feet like sand on the beach. Then we have to figure out what to do. We can give up. We can switch directions and look for better footing. We can re-evaluate the path we're on. We can keep digging our feet into the sand refusing to accept reality. I've done all of these at one time or another. This year was a year of shifting goals, and for the first time ever I felt like I moved with the changes without completely sinking into the sand. I felt like I kept my goals rooted on a steady foundation even when I faltered. I started the year with several goals. As the year progressed, I began to see how some of those goals needed major adjustments while others needed minor adjustments and still others needed to be packed away for the time being. As I face the end of the year, I can see clearly that my goals for the year are still in flux. I'm not going to meet a couple of...

We all have dreams. Resolutions are easy to make. Goals are how dreams and resolutions are met. We set goals all the time even if we don't write them down, speak the aloud, or share them with others. Goals fill a scale from the minuscule to the gigantic. What makes a goal attainable is all the little goals we set along the way. It's those small steps we often don't think of as goals. It's the daily task on the way to the goal. When I shifted my mindset to think of my daily tasks as mini-goals, I found it much easier to achieve my goals. Though sometimes I've fallen into the trap of over-congratulating myself for meeting those smaller goals on the way to the bigger goal. Yet, those smaller goals along the way help me to see I'm making progress even when it feels like I'm not. This year I set a goal to finish 3 books I've had in the works for awhile. Confession, I'm not going to make it. The other day, I started to beat myself up about not meet...

Sometimes it's easy to only see our own point of view. It's the default mode. It takes an effort to look at someone and say with sincerity "I want to hear your side of the story." Usually, we're only willing to hear someone else's side of the story when we're backed into a corner. Interesting how that works. It helps us hang on to our own narrative and shields us from confronting our biases. Yet, when we take a deep breath and open ourselves to hearing another person's side of the story, we invite compassion and understanding into our relationships, into our lives, into our selves. So why is it so incredibly hard to do? We claim we're interested in each other. We claim we're interested in the truth. We claim we're interested in connecting. Yet, so often when the story doesn't fit the narrative in our hearts and minds, our defenses go up and we shut out the other story. I tell myself time and again I'm going to be open to...

There's no way to change some things. We can't always make things right once we've made them wrong. We can't take back the damage we've inflicted with careless words or actions or attitudes. Some damage is simply irreversible. Most of the time we navigate the world worried that our actions are more important than they are, but we also tend to downplay other actions. We all live on the same planet, and our actions affect people we might never meet. I struggle with this more and more as I navigate a world that seems to be focused on accumulating stuff no matter the cost to other people. The people working in abysmal conditions in some factory on the other side of the world are far removed from our daily lives. What can we do about it? I used to hear people say "Vote with your dollars" and wonder how my little purchase could make a difference one way or the other. As I researched more, I began to see how this little thing and that little thing and this ...

Every time I start to write this I get start hearing George Michael's voice singing "Charity is a coat you wear twice a year" from Praying for Time yet what I want to write about is being thankful... Sometimes I think thankfulness is something we put on like a scarf to go with that charity coat twice a year. I wonder... I wonder... Oh, God, I wonder why is that thankfulness only seems to matter in November? Why is it that charity only seems to matter in December? Why is it that we want peace on Earth and love for all mankind from Thanksgiving to Christmas? Then the rest of the year, we support war and violence and greed while we blame our fellow man for circumstances beyond their control. Why, oh, why? It seems like it's so hard for us to see the world around us through clear eyes. And then I wonder... I wonder... Oh, God, I wonder would we even bother to be thankful that one month a year if we didn't feel obligated   inspired by the approach of Thanksgiv...

For the past year or so, I've been researching morning routines as a way to improve productivity. I'm always looking for ways to improve my productivity, so I started studying this idea of a morning routine. As I watched videos and listened to talks, I thought about my own morning routine. We all have a morning routine even if we don't think we do. The morning routine consists of the things we do each morning as we prepare for our day. Some are the usual - brush our teeth, shower, etc. Some are more personalized - our chosen workout if we have on, meditating, a cup of coffee or tea, etc. As I looked at my morning routine, I started to question if adding some of the things I was learning would improve my overall productivity. I already made my bed, practiced yoga, and meditated every morning. That seemed like a good start. But... there were all these other things I could do. I found several different recommendations for writing in a morning journal or writing morning p...

Gratitude has become a bit of a buzzword for focusing on the positive in one's life. Technically, though gratitude is simply the state of being thankful; however, we often attach meaning to gratitude that often gives it a hint of the supernatural. When I started actively practicing gratitude in 2011, I had a purpose. I wanted to focus on the positive in my life in order to bring more positive into my life. I didn't quite realize there was already so much positive in my life I was downplaying or not noticing at all. The more I practiced gratitude, the more I realized what I was really practicing was noticing and embracing the positive in my life. The more I noticed and embraced the positive in my life, the more positive I found, but, as I also stated in The Dark Side of Gratitude , I also noticed the negative in my life more distinctly as well. As I noticed the positive in my life, I started working at cultivating more positive in my life. I worked at it. I discovered ...

Peace is a practice, not a goal. I used to think if we could just reach peace, everything would be perfect. We'd somehow transform into utopia. But, at the same time, I didn't believe peace could ever be truly achieved. In my search for peace both in my own life and in the world around me, I've come to see peace as more about how we live, think, and interact than it is about checking off a box as a mission accomplished. That shift in perspective has made my goal to cultivate a climate of peace in my life much easier. If we live in a climate of chaos, then chaos is what prevails in our lives. If we live chaotic lives, we bring chaos to the world around us. If we allow the chaos in the world to dictate our lives, we bring chaos to our lives. Early in my life, I thought life was chaotic and there was always some catastrophe lurking around every corner. I accepted that as a reality that could never be changed. I never felt a moment's peace while in that state of ...

I recently went to a high school class reunion. I'll admit I felt hesitant about going. I'm not one of these people that remembers high school with all that much fondness. As I listened to my classmates exchange stories and memories, I felt a mix of emotions. We shared a formative part of our lives, and honestly I often felt like I didn't really fit in all that well. I felt surprised as I listened to other people express similar moments of those kinds of feelings. Among the laughs and the acknowledgements of how we've grown and the moments of looking forward, compassion came from unexpected places and attempts to connect came from others. Regrets were even expressed. Recognition of who we were then and even characteristics that haven't changed shone through. Hugs were abundant and promises to get together more frequently permeated the event. I was particularly struck by a discussion that arose once again about a particular classmate who has expressed to othe...

I missed a goal last week, and for once I'm okay with that. I'd set myself a goal, a challenge really, to post on this blog once a week for a full year. Last week, I missed my first week since starting the challenge at the beginning of January. After I sat and stared at a blank screen for hours without being able to type a single word for two days straight, I finally had to accept that I wasn't going to post anything. Eventually I realized that I was exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally, so I let it go. In the past I would've felt guilty. I would've beat myself up. I would've decided I was a complete failure. This would've lead me to even more negative and mean self-talk. This time, though, when those voices started whispering in my ear, I decided to talk to myself like a friend instead of a boss. I sat quietly and thought about what's been going on in my life in recent months. Then I decided to indulge in a bit of self-care, not anythi...

Sometimes it feels like there's nothing left to say. It feels like everything that could be said has been said. There are times when we have repeated ourselves so many times, we start to think the message will never be heard. Does it really matter what we communicate if the words go willfully unheard time and again? I'm not sure, but I know we can't stop speaking up. I can't stop speaking up even when I'm exhausted and it feels like no one cares about facts. Sometimes what seems so obvious to me is completely lost on other people. I want to believe that at heart people are good, but I'm not as sure as I used to be. As I talk to people, even people to whom I'm close, I often feel like we're experiencing the world from completely different places and that stops us from finding a way to meld the worlds we experience in a way that benefits us all. It's one thing to agree on a set of facts but to have differing opinions about what those facts mean....

Authenticity... Have you ever met someone and immediately felt their authenticity? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt like an impostor? Have you ever feared someone seeing through a carefully crafted image you'd cultivated? Have you ever feared your authentic self would be hated or maligned? Have you ever feared your authentic self would invite ridicule and pain? Have you ever feared your authentic self would expose your vulnerabilities? Yes, I have. I most definitely have. And, if you have, too, then you and I have that in common. It's sometimes difficult to be authentic when you know the person you are will be deemed unacceptable, particularly in your own close knit circle of friends and family. When you're told often enough that you're not good enough, not perfect not, not acceptable enough, not lovable, you begin to believe it even if you don't admit it to yourself. As that message sinks in, it becomes easy to put on a mask in order t...

As my birthday approaches, I'm thinking about life and death. I'm thinking about love and loss. I'm thinking about memories made and memories to be made. These thoughts aren't new, but they especially poignant right now. I've never minded growing older. I'm one of those people who falls in the "better than the alternative" camp for sure. You either grow older or you die. It's as simple as that. Given the two choices, bring on the aging even with all its challenges. Life isn't perfect, but it's good. I can honestly say that. I spend much of my time focused on work that brings me joy. I'm sheltered, fed, healthy, and happy. Yet, I know that could all end with a few wrong decisions or some event beyond my control. Last week a high school classmate died only a few days after his birthday. He was my age. I felt a strange sense of loss at reading about his death. I hadn't seen him in a really long time, and we no longer had anythi...

Several years ago I embarked on a year long effort to bring more positivity into my life by focusing on gratitude . As part of this I meditated every morning on gratitude, posted daily, unique gratitude statements on Facebook, and made a gratitude list in my gratitude journal each evening. I thought this would be an enlightening, inspiring uplifting journey, and for the most part it was. So much so I have continued to do parts of the practice I put in place then. There came a point though when practicing gratitude exposed things that weren't working as well in my life as I'd thought, or at least wanted to believe. I shrugged it off at first and focused on the things that inspired gratitude. But, the more I focused on gratitude, the more I became aware of my tendency to ignore the negative things in my life. It was easier. It felt better. However, ignoring them didn't put me on a path to finding solutions. Even as I started to see some of the past events in my life thr...

Sometimes it's good to take a break, even from the things we love. I've always loved to read. Books have always felt like friends to me. They took me places I never imagined possible while at the same time teaching me how to live life differently. I wanted to share the wonder I found reading books with others, so I started reviewing books. Initially I loved writing reviews. I got excited about reviewing books written by authors I loved and one's I met through myriad author events. At first I wrote reviews when I finished a book and didn't worry about keeping a schedule. It worked okay but wasn't a good way to keep viewers. So I started reading multiple books at a time, so I could have a weekly regular post. At first this was exhilarating. Reading with the purpose to review books made reading feel more purposeful. Then something happened. Somewhere along the way writing reviews started to feel like more like a chore than a pleasure. The feeling crept up on ...

This excerpt from the poem,  Dreams , by Langston Hughes hangs on my office wall. Poets play with perception when they write poetry making reading poetry another play in perception. When we read poetry we bring our own life experiences into play affecting our perception of the world around us. Poetry can shine a light on the world we inhabit in language that is sometimes more palatable than either fiction or nonfiction. Poetry can tease our hearts and minds with possible meanings and interpretations. Poetry can use imagery and emotion to effectively push readers to think about life from a different perspective. Many people have told me they don't read poetry because they don't understand poetry. I struggled to understand this until I started reading some of the "classic" poetry I'd avoided since college. Then I remembered how I used to think poetry was something I couldn't understand, and I got it. It changed the way I engaged with people who don...